Cottontail, Elvis Costello, Tom Hulce, and Agatha Sorehead. Lft. Sir Cedric
Noel Vivian Barnstable III, Toontown Philharmonic Orchestra and Chorus. 1930;
260 minutes. Standard and enormously overblown extra-widescreen presentations;
B&W and color; 2-D, 3-D, and DD-T soundtracks.
By John J. Puccio
(1930) was the writer, producer, actor, composer, film editor, gaffer, grip,
and best boy director Wolfgang Orson Wellseyan Mozert’s enigmatic musical
follow-up to his celebrated antiestablishment idyll, The Citizen Kane Mutiny.
And, as every musical film buff also knows, Ambersens was corrupted,
shredded, mutilated, and maimed by its studio, R.K. Maroon International, when
the filmmaker left it in their care whilst he took a cruise to South America
with his girlfriend, Jessica Rabbit. Mozert always said that he regretted what
later happened. (The studio’s cutting of his film, not his fling with Ms.
Rabbit.)
immediate circle of friends, Mozert was able to retrieve most of the excised
portions of the movie from a dumpster behind the Maroon studios, footage that
only today, over ninety years later, he has reconstructed into a true
Director’s Cut. The incomprehensible new version--restored to its original
operatic setting--now includes several hours of expunged words never before
heard outside the Mozert household. The new version runs some 260 minutes, with
about three-and-a-half hours of additional, inexplicable verbiage. “A
Magnificent Ruin,” as one critic once called the truncated edition, is once
again “A Magnificent Rune.”
For those readers who may not be familiar with the film, Magnificent
Ambersens recounts the familiar tale of the demise of an American way of
life in Yoknapatawpha county, with the dissolution of the once lofty Grierson
dynasty and the depletion of the family fortune at the hands of modernity. The
cast includes Anne Boxster as Dolores Costello, the demanding matriarch of the
clan; young Timmy Holt as Richard Bennett, the handsome, ne’er-do-well; Joseph
Cottonball as Sterling Hayden, the corrupt police captain; Peter Lorry as
Heinrich Strasser, the gallant saloon keeper; longtime Mercury Theatre singers
Agnes Moorfoot, Ray Collyns, and Edward Rochester as Othello’s household staff;
and W.O.W. Mozert himself as the narrator, Paul Masson. Oh, and it’s an opera,
so there are also some songs.
But the studio’s version of the film was all they wanted
audiences to see. At last, with the additional footage, we are introduced to
the plot’s more intriguing music and characters: Gibson Gowland as Frank
McTeague, a San Francisco podiatrist; Zazu Pitts as Emily Tarkington, an
inconsolable harlequin; Humphrey Bogart as Corliss “Rosebud” Archer, a
relentless gumshoe; Erik von Stroheim as Mr. Arkadin, a small knot of
indecipherable fiber; G.W. Bush as Manderley, the sinister butler; George Lucas
as Sabrina, the butler’s daughter; Marlon Brando as the Chorus (widescreen);
Gabriel Heatter with the news; and one hard-boiled egg.
Together, they sing and act an unforgettably thrilling
narrative of greed, mystery, and women in flimsy white negligees that no film
buff, buffed or otherwise, should ignore. To say this new Director’s Cut is
merely a melodramatic journey into fear, the equivalent of a black-magic
stranger, a third man on the other side of the wind, a touch of evil, or a war
of the worlds would simply be the expression of a deep-seated and quixotic
riposte. No, this Director’s Cut restores the very essence of the songs, a
trial no viewer should miss.
Incidentally, I understand that later this spring Maroon
Studios will be releasing their big biographical epic of Mozert’s life,
starring Tom Hanks as W.O.W and Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger as his good friend
and buddy J.C.Penney Bach. Initially, the studio wanted Arnold to play Mozert,
but Arnold refused, saying he’d rather be Bach. Anyway, something to look
forward to.
In truth, it will be a long, hot summer in Shanghai before
we see the likes of Mozert’s genius again. His Director’s Cut has already established itself above criticism, and
far be it from me to peddle any word of reproach. At Classical Candor,
we will sell no whine before its time.
Video:
In terms of overall appearance, the old, abridged,
theatrical release of Magnificent Ambersens was a departure from the
visionary, avant-garde, new-wave technology originally employed by Mozert.
Always ahead of his time, Mozert had used widescreen, color, 3-D, and
holographic (HG) photography to glorious advantage (despite his alleged claim
that “no great film was ever made in color,” a nefarious misquote attributed to
him by his enemies). But at the time of the film’s initial release in 1932, the
studio would not have it Mozert’s way, bleaching out the color, cropping the
frames, and eliminating the HG, three-dimensional sonic effects. Which is
another reason the new edition is so welcome. What we have now in the
Director’s Cut is the formerly deleted widescreen, color, 3-D, HG footage
seamlessly intercut with the theatrical release’s standard-screen
black-and-white. In the event a viewer should be uncertain as to which parts
have been added to the older edition, the extra material has been clearly
labeled with a large pink asterisk on the left-hand side of the screen. A pair
of plastic HG glasses are enclosed in the reel’s case, and extra HG 3-D glasses
may be ordered from the studio for viewers figuring on the unlikelihood of
company.
As might be expected, the picture quality varies only
slightly between the original and added elements. Indeed, the
theatrical-release’s footage now looks its age, while the added footage looks
even older. Using the HG 3-D glasses can be a minor inconvenience, as one has
to put them on and take them off every ten seconds, but if you leave them on
throughout the viewing, you’ll notice a marked improvement in the
black-and-white. A lot of the grain and some of the smear of the old print is
ameliorated, and if a character here or there disappears entirely, it will
probably not be much of a concern to anyone but a die-hard movie aficionado,
anyway.
Which brings up a final concern. With or without the HG
3-D glasses, the average viewer will probably not be able to discern much of
what is going on. So, how was I able to see the picture when to you it will be
a monumental blur? Because my equipment is better than yours, that’s why. But
relax, because once you’ve finished reading my review, you’ll be able to hold
an intelligent conversation on the subject with anyone. After all, that’s what
reviews are for. You don’t have to go out and actually watch all those boring
old classic movies that critics are always raving about. Just check out the
reviews and people will think you’re smart.
Audio:
George Lucas’s Industrial Light and Magic Show have
remixed and remastered Mozert’s original 1.0 monaural sound with mixed results
in Dolty Digital-DDT 12.4ESP Amos InteriorScope At-the-Most Surround. No longer
is the music confined to a single location or even to a single set of speakers;
it now arrives at the ear from within the ear. The sound resonants outward from
the inner ear to the outer chamber, creating the sensation of being completely
under water. It is quite an accomplishment from a company renowned for its
creativity and innovation. When questioned about why they wanted to create so
aqueous an illusion, Mozert and Lucas replied, “Because.” Which is good enough
for us.
Extras:
I had expected a musical-film release of this stature to
be offered in at least a two-reel special edition, but, alas, it was not to be.
The film and its extra materials are presented on one Zoetrope Super-8 strip,
accommodating about twelve hours of content at a bit rate that failed to
register on my Zoetrope player’s readout. Nevertheless, it is quantity that
counts, especially in Hollywood.
The first and most important of the package’s bonus items
is a new audio commentary by Mozert himself.
In it, the director takes us on a frame-by-frame tour of the Macbeth
mansion and grounds, with lucid explanations on diet and exercise. Although the
feature film itself is not rated, the director’s commentary is classified R for
sex, nudity, witches, and violence. Next up is a six-hour documentary, “Along
for the Ride,” the director’s unexpurgated diary of his South American road
trip, also rated R, this time for scenes of graphic weight gain.
The rest of the extras are of the more mundane variety and
are best watched once and forgotten. There are, of course, the usual behind-the-scenes scenes of scenic
scenes, these with on-air narration by both W.O.W. Mozert and Marlin Brando
(ultra-widescreen recommended). Then, there is a short series of still
pictures: a Rita Hayworth pinup shot (required viewing); a Zazu Pitts pinup
shot (optional viewing); and an Agnes Moorehead pinup shot (children’s advisory
warning). The extras conclude with a menu containing one scene selection; a
pan-and-scan theatrical release trailer; a widescreen rerelease trailer; and an
obscenely wide re-rerelease trailer featuring both Marlin Brando and Orson
Welles on screen at the same time (barely). Although Scottish is the only
spoken language provided, there are Danish subtitles for the Scottish impaired.
Parting Thoughts:
For film fans who will undoubtedly greet the Magnificent
Ambersens Director’s Cut gleefully, there is even more cause for gleeful
glee. Mozert recently let it be known that he and screenwriters Stanley Kubrick
and Broken Lizard are putting the final touches on the long-rumored musical
sequel to The Citizen Kane Mutiny. Slated for release some time in the
fall, Raising Kane is the story of the reclusive billionaire’s illegitimate
daughter, Sugar Kane Kowalczyk. It stars Jessica Rabbit and Betty Boop as
Sugar, with Harry Lime, Michael O’Hara, Will Varner, Hank Quinlan, and Peter
Bogdanovich in the immortal and possibly immoral saga of love, hate, sorrow,
horror, humor, and women in flimsy white negligees, set within a backdrop of
tragedy, redemption, and abstruse reconciliation. Although it sounds too good
to be true, it is. True, that is. And abstruse, promising to blow the lid off
the entire skateboarding community. There will, indeed, be chimes at midnight
and trouble in the glen tonight! And one hard-boiled egg.
JJP
To listen to a brief excerpt from this tape, click below:






























